Last night, Ariana (my sister) was craving Snickerdoodle cookies. So we decided to make some. We didn't have a car so we could only pray we had the right ingredients...
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees? - Check!
In a mixing bowl, sift together:
2 3/4 cups of unbleached all-purpose flour? - Check!
2 tsp baking powder? - Check!
1/2 teaspoon coarse salt? - We had table salt and sea salt... Ariana tried to stop me, but in went the sea salt!
Meanwhile in another bowl:
1 1/2 cups sugar? - Check! (We used natural sugar but I don't particularly think that matters.)
1 cup butter? - Che... oh wait, we only have 1/2 cup. And we don't have vegetable oil... Let's use olive oil! (And I mean like dark green, off-the-boat, zorba-freaking-Greek olive oil)
Ariana tried to physically stop me this time but in went:
1/2 cup butter and 1/2 cup olive oil
mix, mix, mix.
Add 2 large eggs? - Check!
At this point our second mixture was bright green and did not smell like cookies... so I took matters into my own hands. Soon after Ariana followed suit. We just poured in whatever we could find that sounded tasty. No particular order here...
1/2 bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips (melted, please!)
1/2 cup light brown sugar
1/3 - 1/2 cup of melted cream cheese
2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 small tbsp vanilla extract (not the expensive stuff)
1 tbsp dried valencia orange peel
1 tbsp red food coloring (optional, to offset the nasty-ass coloring)
2 flat tsp Maxwell House Toasted Hazelnut instant coffee
1/4 - 1/3 cup of Irish Cream coffee creamer
mix, mix, mix. pour into flour mixture then MIX, MIX, MIX until even.
At this point, we were terrified to taste it... and we had fully realized that no matter how disgusting this cake (yeah, we gave up on the cookie part somewhere around the instant coffee...) was, Mother was going to force us to eat it. We don't waste food at our house.
So we split the very oily batter into two buttered pans so that the mixture was about 1 inch high in both, and we shoved 'em in the oven.
For how long? Well, we're not entirely certain.
It was around 20 - 25 minutes... or until the fork came out clean.
Then we were going to let them cool, and make a nice layered cake... But not two minutes later, Mother calls to tell us she would be home in five. She didn't know about the cake... and would murder our happy asses if she walked in to the mess of a kitchen. At this point, it became Dinner: Impossible. We had five minutes to make sure the house was presentable and the cake was done.
We iced one layer with:
2 tbsp cream cheese
2 tbsp butterscotch topping
1 tsp cinnamon
and tried to place the other on top, but it was still too hot and it broke... so we took our now broken layer and crumbled it over the top of our icing (scorching our fingers in the process).
(BE A MAN! SUCK IT UP!)
Just as Mother pulled into the driveway, the cake was thrown into the fridge (to hide it), the house was immaculate, and Ariana and I assumed our "natural" (albeit very guilty looking) positions.
After dinner, it was the moment of truth. Prepared to be raptorized (don't ask), I cut the cake and gave a slice to Mother. Then I hear:
"Mmm. What is this? It's good."
Uhhhhhhhhhhhh. What? Clearly she was out of her mind.
Quickly, I cut two more slices for Ariana and I... and I nervously take a nibble.
And holy cow, I mean wow. I don't know what happened in that oven... but it was FREAKING DELICIOUS.
*If you would like to make your own "Red Velvet S**t-erdoodle" the ingredients needed are in bold. But feel free to improvise! After all, that's kinda how this whole thing started :D
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees? - Check!
In a mixing bowl, sift together:
2 3/4 cups of unbleached all-purpose flour? - Check!
2 tsp baking powder? - Check!
1/2 teaspoon coarse salt? - We had table salt and sea salt... Ariana tried to stop me, but in went the sea salt!
Meanwhile in another bowl:
1 1/2 cups sugar? - Check! (We used natural sugar but I don't particularly think that matters.)
Ariana tried to physically stop me this time but in went:
1/2 cup butter and 1/2 cup olive oil
mix, mix, mix.
Add 2 large eggs? - Check!
At this point our second mixture was bright green and did not smell like cookies... so I took matters into my own hands. Soon after Ariana followed suit. We just poured in whatever we could find that sounded tasty. No particular order here...
1/2 bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips (melted, please!)
1/2 cup light brown sugar
1/3 - 1/2 cup of melted cream cheese
2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 small tbsp vanilla extract (not the expensive stuff)
1 tbsp dried valencia orange peel
1 tbsp red food coloring (optional, to offset the nasty-ass coloring)
2 flat tsp Maxwell House Toasted Hazelnut instant coffee
1/4 - 1/3 cup of Irish Cream coffee creamer
mix, mix, mix. pour into flour mixture then MIX, MIX, MIX until even.
At this point, we were terrified to taste it... and we had fully realized that no matter how disgusting this cake (yeah, we gave up on the cookie part somewhere around the instant coffee...) was, Mother was going to force us to eat it. We don't waste food at our house.
So we split the very oily batter into two buttered pans so that the mixture was about 1 inch high in both, and we shoved 'em in the oven.
For how long? Well, we're not entirely certain.
It was around 20 - 25 minutes... or until the fork came out clean.
Then we were going to let them cool, and make a nice layered cake... But not two minutes later, Mother calls to tell us she would be home in five. She didn't know about the cake... and would murder our happy asses if she walked in to the mess of a kitchen. At this point, it became Dinner: Impossible. We had five minutes to make sure the house was presentable and the cake was done.
We iced one layer with:
2 tbsp cream cheese
2 tbsp butterscotch topping
1 tsp cinnamon
and tried to place the other on top, but it was still too hot and it broke... so we took our now broken layer and crumbled it over the top of our icing (scorching our fingers in the process).
(BE A MAN! SUCK IT UP!)
Just as Mother pulled into the driveway, the cake was thrown into the fridge (to hide it), the house was immaculate, and Ariana and I assumed our "natural" (albeit very guilty looking) positions.
After dinner, it was the moment of truth. Prepared to be raptorized (don't ask), I cut the cake and gave a slice to Mother. Then I hear:
"Mmm. What is this? It's good."
Uhhhhhhhhhhhh. What? Clearly she was out of her mind.
Quickly, I cut two more slices for Ariana and I... and I nervously take a nibble.
And holy cow, I mean wow. I don't know what happened in that oven... but it was FREAKING DELICIOUS.
*If you would like to make your own "Red Velvet S**t-erdoodle" the ingredients needed are in bold. But feel free to improvise! After all, that's kinda how this whole thing started :D
